


Not So Simple Anymore

by TylahJayne



Series: transcending lifetimes [2]
Category: Homestuck
Genre: Alternate Universe - Reincarnation, Humanstuck, Multi
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-01-14
Updated: 2016-02-13
Packaged: 2018-05-13 22:13:47
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 7
Words: 12,281
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5718964
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TylahJayne/pseuds/TylahJayne
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>You miss the dream bubbles, where everything was so simple.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. and so it begins

The days pass quietly, after the day you saw Feferi and Kanaya. They don't show up again, and no one else recognizes him, which you're thankful for. Sleeping comes easy, as you works nearly all day in your small shop. It's worth it though, you loves being surrounded by the smell of coffee and freshly baked pastries. Your life has become a predictable pattern, a well-deserved break from your hectic dreams and confused heart.

Your dreams have become less focused on what happened, and more the people in them. You remember details more clearly. Mostly small insignificant details, like the feeling of your breath on the back of your neck, and the pain of the water in your gills. You remember the feeling of hopping from one bubble to the next, of not fearing death like you used to. You remember the feelings of pure desperation and madness, the blackness creeping into your vision, and the rage clouding your mind. You remember the feeling of blood on your hands and in your mouth and just everywhere. The feeling of his lips on yours and how sweetly his body pressed up against yours and the pure fucking adoration you felt for him.

You get swept up in the pure rush of emotions a lot. Sometimes you can feel him, his hands on your body and his eyes piecing into your soul with just one look. His eyes telling you just how much he understood your pain and how you fucking ached, deep in your heart just to be fucking loved for once in your miserable existence. Life goes on though, you have a coffee shop to run, a life to live.

You look for him, every time you walk down the street, every time that stupid fucking bell on the door of the shop rings. You haven't seen him yet though. Maybe you won’t. Maybe he doesn't live near you, maybe he doesn't exist. You try not to get hung up on that thought though. You'll get yourself in a rut, and that's the last thing you need now.

One day, the door opens and Feferi walks in, she looks determined, and you shake a little, anxiety rising in your chest. She walks up to the counter, and greets you, asking if she can talk to you for a minute. You freeze. You don't know what to do, do you say yes? Do you refuse? You swallow your tongue and nod, motioning for someone else to talk over the cash register as you walk around the counter.

You gesture for her to follow, as you walk further into the coffee shop and into the back room. She follows you quietly. Soon the two of you are alone, your hands are still shaking and your chest is tight. This woman hurt you in your dreams, she used you, tossed you aside when she didn't need you. She was nasty. You don't say anything, you want her to talk first. To tell you why she's here, to tell you why she bothered.

“You remember right?” She fidgets in her seat, playing with her skirt, you want to scream, and you don't want to talk about it with her of all people. You’re quiet for a minute taking your time to process how you want to respond. Part of you wants to just yell at her till she cries, but you don’t. You hold tongue and think, how do you continue? What do you say?

“Yeah, I remember I guess. What do you remember? I remember everything from before the game, and everything during. I remember all my time in the dream bubbles too.” You say quietly, feeling the words drip out of your mouth, sluggishly and not quiet formed right, bordering on a mumble. You wait for her reaction, wondering just how much she remembers.

“Oh wow, I mainly remember stuff from before the game and during, my memories from the bubbles are hazy at best. I just remember a lot of faces, not much more.” Feferi fidgets slightly, although having a smile on her face and talking in a cheery tone. You understand why you thought you needed her, she has such a presence and her smile looks to be calming. You know better though, you know what lies behind that smile, the sharp teeth with no remorse.

“The dream bubbles are my favorite memories. I don’t like to think of before and during the game. The memories aren’t the greatest.” You addressed, hoping to steer clear of a conversation about your life before. You look at her more closely, her eyes are still the same, and so is her body type. Black hair cascading over her shoulders, but you don’t see the physical attraction. She’s hurt you too much in your dreams to see it.

“I like before the game better, I didn’t have any responsibilities and I could just swim and enjoy life. With you helping me by feeding my lusus, I could just have fun. I’m sorry we had to end like we did, but you were just so high maintenance!” She sighs, like she’s actually sorry. You feel like sneering.

“What? What we had wasn’t a fucking relationship, you used me as a killing machine to feed your lusus. You hid your real intentions under a mask you called concern. You’re the reason I lost my shit, you weren’t a fucking morail, you didn’t stop me tearing myself apart, you didn’t even fucking try to calm me. You didn’t sooth me. You ditched me the minute you didn’t need me anymore.” You sneer, your anxiety was mounting, and you couldn't control your mouth. You wanted to fucking scream and yell and run away like a baby.

“It wasn't li-” She started, but you were mad and you weren't going to fucking take this shit, and you snapped. You tried to reign in your mounting anger and fury, you mostly succeed but you can’t always pacify yourself fully.

“What was it then huh? Want to explain? Oh wait! I don't fucking care about your excuses! Oh look at that! You're not the center of my universe! Oh wow! What a fucking development! Eridan Ampora's life does not fucking revolve around Feferi Peixes! Someone alert the motherfucking press!” Your voice is at normal volume, but its risen pitch. You didn't mean to start ranting but now your chest feels a lot lighter.

She looks so fucking shocked. You guess she didn't expect that. You laugh. “Can you please leave my office now? I have work that needs doing.” You don't say anything else, you just watch as she shuffles out. You think she tries to say something, but just decides not to.

You just sit there for a while, as you shake and try to calm down. One of the workers, one of your friends, comes in and gives you a hug. She doesn't try to pry, just lets you calm down before telling you to take all the time you need, before winking at you and going back to work. You can hear her barking out orders, telling the other employees to get the fuck off their asses and make the damn coffee. There's only four workers today, yourself, the other manager, and the two juniors. You're grateful for that fact.

After a few more minutes, you get up off your ass, put your game face back on, and get your ass out there to go help them deal with the afternoon rush. Sometimes working with other people is hard, but you push through because you love it. You love the atmosphere you’ve created, it’s calming but there’s always someone’s talking and laughing.

Even though you try not to remember the people who hurt you from your dreams, there was people, people in the dream bubbles that cared about you. They were older, but kinder and more forgiving. They helped you understand how to live again. You want to see them, to meet them again. You snap out of your reverie, and serve the customer in front of you.

You miss the dream bubbles, where everything was so simple.

 


	2. and so the once-fishman rescues a damsel from a mad woman

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> between demon flats, mad women and cute boys, there's no time for straightness in eridans life.

After that episode, life quietens back down. You haven't had any more surprise visitors, even though you know you will. You're just waiting out the calm before the storm. If something can go wrong it totally will, if there's one thing you can count on, it’s the fact that the world loves to screw you over at every twist and turn, no matter what.

You reminisce about how you used to look. You look mostly the same, just without the horns and the grey skin. Your glasses still in place, although now a different style and colour. You'd gotten rid of the purple stripe in your hair years ago, you had dyed it in a fit of teenage rebellion against your father. It had worked of course. No rings were to be seen on your finger, and certainly not a cape on your back. You still worse a scarf when it was cold, but other than that, you looked like you used to.

With a quick look at your clock, you realize that because of your little thinking session, you're running late and that the coffee shop hasn't opened yet. If you run, you might make it. Not on time, but sooner than if you just walk, so you book it, slamming your apartment door shut and locking it, making sure to double check that you actually fucking locked the door this time, the last time you forgot. You came home and one of your fucking shoes were missing, just one of them.

You laugh to yourself as you descend the apartment staircase. You've never trusted that fucking elevator and you certainly weren't going to take that chance today. You had better things to do then get stuck in there with some sweaty old man. Almost taking a dive face first down the stairs, you steady yourself and exit the building. You realize your mistake seconds later, you totally didn't put on good running shoes. Instead, in your rush you slipped on those fucking demon flats from hell. You fight the urge to fall to your knees and sob, they totally don't go with your fucking outfit.

Instead, you pick up the pace and speed walk to your little coffee shop exactly two streets over. You can see your morning employees just standing there waiting and you laugh, because they're all staring at you with smiles on their faces, no ill intent in their eyes. You quickly apologize and unlock the door, complaining about your shoe disaster and how much your feet hurt, throwing in a quick explanation as to why you were late which they brush off with smiles.

Someone makes a smartass comment about your shoes not matching your skirt and you almost throw the damn shoe at them, you threaten too, but you don't. You quickly switch out those damn flats for your spare pair of boots sitting in the office, and get to work, the damn coffee won’t brew itself. Even though you almost wish it did.

The day passes quickly, with the morning crew swapping out with the afternoon crew. Business is good, because it’s a Thursday, and you don't know what it is about Thursdays, but everyone wants fucking coffee but if it’s keeping you in business who are you to look a gift horse in the mouth?

You bake more pastries during the day, you love sweet things, especially strawberries. You’re afternoon crew is the most capable of the bunch, because when they work, you’re normally busy with baking and paperwork. The skirt you’re wearing is great around the shop, because it gets really hot in the kitchen, plus it scares away most assholes, which is always a win. You don’t want to serve people who discriminate. Most of your staff are people other companies wouldn’t hire because of either their gender or their identity, which is fine by you, because you get a better working force.

The obvious highlight of the day was when this woman stormed in after seeing the flags you keep up on the window, it was quite a harmless sign, but it was amusing watching her go on about how welcoming queers into your establishment wasn't a good thing, and that it might set a bad example for the kids and that you should take it down immediately. You laugh before leaning over to the worker at the expresso machine and smacking a big smooch straight onto their lips, before exclaiming how queer you were, right in front of the bitch. She looked shocked for a second before storing out of the store. You winked to the person you smooched, and they grin back, you've done this before and it’s totally fucking worth it every time.

As she storms out, you watch as she runs straight into a kid with a cane, he stumbles and falls back onto the pavement, you cringe and rush out the door to help the poor kid up. He looks familiar, but you push the thought into the back of your mind and offer him your hand. “Hey are you alright kid? Sheesh she was such a bitch, I hope you’re not hurt” You offer as he takes your hand and you pull him up, you reach down and pick up his bag, it doesn’t look damaged thankfully.

He smiles at you, “Thanks, yeah she totally was a, um, bitch.” The boy says sheepishly, you grin back at him. He’s a bit shorter than you, then again you are wearing boots with a nice heel. His short brown hair is shaved down the sides in a rough mohawk. Which you totally give the kid props for, because he’s rocking that hair style like nobodies business.

“If you want, you can come inside and I’ll get you something to eat and a hot drink, to make up for her pushing you over, which she did due to me and my queerness.” You laugh, and he nods with a smile on his face. You pick up his bag and open the door for him, letting him walk in and choose a seat. He chooses one of the small booths, towards the back of the seating around, which is where you put his stuff before turning and asking him what he wants, he just shrugs, so you wink and walk off.

“Oh Alex,” you swoon, calling him over, “Can you grab me a surprise coffee while I grab some shortcake? It’s for the dude in the back, the one blonde and crazy pushed over. You can make one for yourself too, don’t forget to take your break dude!” You coo at him, half-jokingly as you bump his hip as you walk past.

“Oh of course my fair maiden, who would I be to deny such a lovely request?” He teases back, making you laugh. Alex has always been in the shop, he was one of the first people to apply for a manager’s position, and you’d known straightaway that you wanted him in your shop. He was adorable, but also a hard worker, who totally forgot to take his damn breaks unless you watched him like a hawk.

Skipping into the back room, you make an effort to grab three pieces of strawberry shortcake, giving one to Alex as you slip past. Grabbing the boys coffee, you give Alex a kiss on the cheek and tell him to sit his ass down and take a break before you made him, because the store is empty and the only people here are you, him and the boy in the back. The junior crew went home an hour ago, so everything that needs to be done is already done.

He agrees, and you take the goodies you’ve acquired to the booth. You give the coffee to him, and slide over a piece of strawberry shortcake after you sit down opposite him, he sips his coffee and closes his eyes. “Holy shit, this tastes like, um, heaven” He mumbles under his breathe, you laugh a little.

“That’s Alex’s coffee for you, it takes like heaven. So what’s your name, stranger?” You ask curiously, you want to know why he looks familiar, it’s kind of spooky. His eyes are a nice shade of brown, and his skin a lighter than yours. Then again, most people’s skin is lighter than your nice dark shade of near black brown. You dig into your shortcake, because holy shit you love strawberries so much, they’re like gods perfect fruit.

“Oh my, name! That’s right, I haven’t told you my name, and my name is Tavros Nitram!” He says with a grin on his face. It takes you about three seconds to realize where you’ve heard that name before and you freeze, holy shit this is one of them. He isn’t Feferi, he didn’t hurt you in any way at all. He’s innocent.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> beta'd by my friend.
> 
> feel free to ask my questions at; vodkaaunttylah.tumblr.com


	3. and so the story progresses

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> en which both nothing and many things happen at once

“Holy fucking ball eating globber fuck. Well Tavros, Eridan Ampora at your service.” You say with a nervous giggle in your voice. You rein in your anxiety, because when you don’t watch it you tend to lose control of your mouth and say the terrible things your father fed you as a child. Shitty ableist, classist, homophobic things that you’ve been struggling to unlearn for years, and you’re finally starting to get someone after all these years. You wait for him to yell at you or call you names or run or just anything.

“Oh wow, you, um, look good! Peixes did say she found you, but uh, she didn’t, really explain. I’m glad I got you meet, you ah, myself though! I’d rather, form my own, um, opinion of you in this life, at least.” He says, stuttering with ums and ah scattered through his sentences. His determination to form his own opinion of you makes you really happy.

“Thank you, it means a lot that you weren’t just going off what I used to be like. I know that what I did wasn’t right, but it wasn’t all my fault, I was insane long before the game started. I know that nothing could make up for the pain I caused, but I apologize for my actions, whether they were provoked or not.” You sniffle at the end, because you don’t like thinking about the blood on your hands, but you need to apologize and get it off your chest.

“You’ve obviously, ah, changed a lot, so I’m glad!” Tav says with a smile, as he talks, he sips on his coffee and nibbles at the shortcake, you smile back at him. The two of you sit in silence for a while, it’s peaceful. “So a skirt huh? It’s really nice, and with the combat boots it makes you look badass.” He seems to want to start a conversation, so you indulge him. You swap stories with Tavros for a while, as no one comes into the store, and you hope to god Alex is actually taking a break. You know he probably is, because you told him too.

After a while you see the traffic on the street start to pick up, so you excuse yourself and tell him he can stay and order another drink if he’d like, he nods thoughtfully, as you walk away. You go to grab Alex from the office, but you see he’s sleeping on the little bed you have in there, so you leave him sleep and go back to the counter.

You’re predictions were correct, and a few people enter the shop. They order some simple lattes, and at your recommendation take a few slices of the strawberry shortcake with them. It’s a habit, you always recommend some sweets to the customers, and they normally indulge you. You baked quite a lot this morning, so you have a nice range of treats at the ready. You’ve already run out of muffins and cookies, like you always so by around about now.

After a while Tavros approaches the counter, bag on his back and cane in hand, he passes you back the plate and cup and says good bye, which you return on instinct, and tell him he’s welcome back at any time. The afternoon passes slowly. You don’t wake Alex because you know he doesn’t sleep much, so you let him, because you can watch the shop alone. You handle the afternoon rush with ease, getting a few compliments on your skirt when you deliver coffee to some of the tables, which makes you laugh before winking.

You sell a lot of your baked goods, which is great for business, and a metric fuckton of coffee. You don’t feel bad thriving off the need for caffeine by the nearby college students. The store closes around eight at night, Alex finishes at six, and right now the clock reads five fifty three in the afternoon, so you wake him up, he’s been asleep for around about four hours, which isn’t much, but it’s better than nothing.

He pouts when he realises he left you alone to work the counter, which you brush off by telling him to get his ass home and go back to bed. You baby him out of the store, giving him some sweets to go home with, but not letting him take any damn coffee with him because you know he’ll just drink it and not sleep tonight. You give him a goodbye smooch on the cheek as he leaves.

The next two hours pass quickly, you don’t get many customers, but by closing time you’ve sold most of your sweets, and the rest will be given out as freebies tomorrow morning, before you bake more. At eight o’clock, after you’ve served your last customer of the right, you drag the sign back in from out the front of the shop, and flick the sign on the door to closed.

The store is easy to pack up, put everything away, and then you grab your flats, your bag and turn off the lights. Locking the front door to the store, you turn to walk down the street to your apartment. You stop and look at the street, it’s full of people and the stars are out and it’s so pretty. You start walking down the street, thinking about the day.

Your boots clack on the pavement as you get closer to your apartment, you wonder if you’ll ever see any of the others again, the Beforus trolls. You liked them, they were nice to you and helped you. They didn’t question when you avoided the other players of your session, or when you went off the handle, they just helped you the best they could, and you’re grateful for that a lot. You hope you get to see them again.

Before you know it, you’re at the front doors of your apartment building and quickly ascending the stairs two at a time. You’re feet hurt, and you just want to get these boots off, between the boots and the flats this morning, your feet hurt like a bitch. You can’t wait to take a nice hot bath and just relax. You finally reach your floor, its quiet tonight, you quickly unlock your door and let yourself into your apartment. It’s big enough for you to live comfortably, and because of the shop you can afford rent every second week with money to spare.

You sigh as you take your boots off, your feet feeling sore and tender, you put your coat on the hook and set your bag down on the bench. You roll your head and stretch your back. It feels nice to be home after such a weird day, talking to Tavros was nice, really nice actually. It felt natural if anything, you know your life is going to get more and more interesting as the week goes on, because if Feferi and Tavros popped up, you know the others aren’t too far behind.

You walk to the bathroom, checking every little crevice of your apartment on the way, you can never be too careful when it comes to things like this. When you’ve scoped out your whole apartment, you strip down in the bathroom, making sure your clothes actually land in the hamper.

Your body isn’t something you’re super proud of, but it suits you just fine. The subtle womanly curves of your hips, the small lumps on your chest, big enough to need a binder for, not large enough to need to wear a bra all the time. Your legs are long, and shapely, clean shaven when the feeling hits you. The curve of your feminine jawline, it’s nice. You play with your lip piercing as you look at your body, you’ve got a lot tattoos too, and they’re your pride and joy. You love them. You love that you look boyish enough to drive people crazy by wearing a skirt and stockings, it’s your favourite pastime.

You remember as soon as you were old enough, you went out and got a tattoo of a tribal seahorse, that covered your whole left sleeve, the tattooist had tried to talk you out of it, that it’d be a lot of pain for your first tattoo, but you rolled yours eyes and offered to pay him double if he just did the damn tattoo. He was right, it hurt like a bitch, but it was worth it, you loved it.  It’d been the first of many tributes to your past life, mixed in with other tattoos of varying meaning to you, some were just for the aesthetics, but others were your way of expressing your knowledge of past life.

On the back of your neck, you had a simple but elegant watercolour tattoo of the twelve shades of blood, a tribute to both the lives of your once friends. You snap out of it and realize you’ve been standing naked in the middle of your bathroom for the past few minutes, you snicker and roll your eyes, and move over to start filling the bath, adding in a few salts and oils. You realize you forgot your phone, and dash out to grab it, before dashing back to the bathroom.

You put some music on, before slipping into the tub and starting to relax. Your phone was a clusterfuck of music, you had an expansive music taste, everything from classical to country to dubstep. You had just pressed shuffle, just wanting some background noise while you destressed. You could feel the day’s worries and stresses draining out of body.

You love getting to have time to yourself, it’s the only time you let your mind wander, to think about your past life, the game, the dream bubbles. You miss the good times, the hugs, Dave’s memories of the ocean, with water so clean you could actually fucking swim. You miss Kankri and his stupid rants and the way he’d assure you were still a person, still worth something. You miss the fun times with Mituna and Latula, you miss Porrim’s hugs, and how she’d always help you with your clothes and she taught you, that you could still be loved.

You always get emotional when you think about them, Damara and her tendency to take no shit, and eventually she rubbed off on you. You signed and stopped thinking about it before you started crying. Which you’ve done before. You turn your thoughts to Dave, his eyes, his hair, and his hands. Just him in general. You let your mind wonder, bringing forward old memories

You always lost track of time around him, he stole your sense of time, and he made you feel timeless, invincible. You miss him so much, no matter where you go, what you do, you can still feel his heat. It’s like an all-consuming force, for love for him spans universes, transcends lifetimes. You don’t even know if you’ll find him, if he stills loves you, if he even remembers you.

Before you know it, you’ve lost an hour thinking about your love for him, and the way his hands felt on your body. The water was cold and you were shivering a little bit, so you drained the tub and got out. You were pruney and wrinkly and gross. So you dried off and put on your soft bathrobe. Picking up your phone you left the bathroom in search of underwear, and maybe a tank top.

You decide to ditch the tank top, who fucking needs it. You take off the bathrobe and throw on some boxers. Stumbling into the empty kitchen, you open the fridge and hunt for some grub. You find absolutely jack shit, so you close the fridge and fake sob, because you totally forgot you needed to go food shopping again. You have no food. None. Shit.

The only option you have is to order take-away. You choose the nice Japanese place down the street who make really nice food. It gives you a half an hour delivery time, and you choose to go comb your hair, and pick some clothes for tomorrow. You hear knocking on the door, and you realize that you spaced out.

You yell out and sprint to the door, forgetting the fact that you were just in boxers. You fling the door open and you almost start crying, because holy fuck it her. “HOLY FUCK,” is all you get out before you’ve flung yourself at her. You don’t realize she almost drops your food trying to catch you, but she’s an amazing women so of course she catches it. You pull away from her.

“Kid, why do you jump at me, I nearly drop your food.” She tells you, raising her eyebrow, you almost fucking laughing because she’s done that to you so many times before and you’re shaking because maybe she knows where the others are and you can’t get your words out.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> beta'd by my friend.
> 
> feel free to ask me questions at; vodkaaunttylah.tumblr.com


	4. and so the once-fishman sleeps on the couch

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> this just in, the fish has tattoos.

“Holy shit, Damara, it’s me, its Eridan.” You manage to say before she fucking realizes and now it’s her turn to launch at you as she knocks you back into your apartment in one of the biggest fucking hugs you’ve gotten in years and tears well up in your eyes because she still smells the same and you just want to sob because here she is. She’s real and here.

She takes her arms away from around you and shuts the door, grabbing the food she so eloquently dropped on the ground. You tug her over to the couch, the pair of you in shock and you realize that you can’t hold back the tears, so you stop trying and just let it out, she pulls you close and she starts crying too. This is why you love her, she can be such a fucking bitch but she cares so much. You stop crying after a few minutes and just sit there, letting it soak in that she’s fucking real and she’s her and oh god this is real.

“Eri, why are your tits out. I am flattered, but you were not expecting me.” She laughs quietly from your shoulder. You realize, that you don’t actually have a fucking top on and you laugh. You laughing until it turns back into gross sobbing and you see her grab her phone out of her pocket, but why the fuck would you even question it at this point.

“I call Kan, and the rest. They will want to see you little one. Go put your tits away, Por will throw fit.” She teases as she pushes you up from the couch. You book it, you run to your room and throw on the first top you find, which is a long sleeved sweater. You throw it on and walk back out to the couch, where you’re damn dinner is sitting. Damara has made herself right at home.

“I text my mother, I tell her I found old friend, I bring money in morning. She agree. I also texted friends, they come. However, some people no make it. Its late, they talk to you later.” She tells you with a smile on her face. You grab your food and the fork from the bag and settle down between her legs on your couch.

“I can’t fucking believe I finally found you, but it had to be with my tits out didn’t it. The world had to laugh at me.” You pout, but dig into your food. She’s watching you, you can feel her gaze on the back of your head. You lay back on her chest and get comfortable, because this is the first time you’ve actually felt at home in a long time.

You sit like that for a long time, even after you’ve finished your food, the only difference is that you’ve turned around and you’ve totally got your face buried in her boobs like you used to. You have no fucking regrets at all. You’d stay there forever if you could, but alas, there’s more knocking on the door and you leap up, spooking Dam a little with how fast you’re at the door.

There they are. That’s them. That’s your fucking family.

You burst out sobbing, nearly falling to your knees before someone catches you. And before you know it, you’re buried in a pile of bodies, people trying to calm you others bawling themselves. This is it, this is what you’ve missed. You’ve missed it so fucking much it hurts. Before you know it, everyone is on your couch, well trying to be at least. There’s seven of you on the couch and you realize. You’re going to need a bigger apartment if this is going to be a regular thing. You’ve only got one couch, one bed. One everything really.

Once you’ve calmed down they manage to get you to drink some water, before asking you about your life and what it’s been like. “I was an only child, it was kind of lonely. My mom died when I was around seven or so. Then dad took over, tried to turn me into a little mini me. I didn’t fucking like that. I had dreams, dreams of you guys and the game. Of the past life, I didn’t understand it as a kid. They tried to give me pills and all sorts of shit, said I was fucked up to the maximum degree. They got me a therapist, who asked me if my dad was doing fucked up shit to me. He got sick of it, so once I was old enough, he shipped me off to a boarding school. Said he couldn’t sleep with me screaming in my sleep about killing people.” You stop for a second to take a deep breath, wetting your mouth and throat.

No one said anything, which you were grateful for, because if they did you didn’t think you’d have it in you to continue. “So I got shipped off, it was a nice school, they let me do what I wanted, piercings, dying my hair, skipping classes. They pitied me. I stopped going home during the holidays, I finished school, and got my little kickass coffee shop. You’ve probably seen it, it’s the queerest thing on the block” At that sentence, Latula loses it, she nearly falls of the fucking couch snorting.

“Oh my god, Eridan do you really have to use the word queer? Some people consider it a slur you know.” Kankri raises his eyebrow at you, holding it for a second before losing his shit and bursting out laughing. Mituna just stares at you, before sniggering. Porrim just sighs and hugs you some more. Damara says something none of you understand and you just shrug. Meulin has her hearing aid in, so she did hear you, but she’s pouting, so you hug her.

“Yes, yes I do Kan. Ok but do you guys want to see my sick tatts? Damara has already seen then, because I kind of answered the door without a shirt on.” Latula and Porrim perk up as you detangle yourself from the pile on the couch and take off your shirt. You hear a few gasps. “Ok so this one, on my left shoulder is meant to be seahorse dad,” you turn around and show them your back, “This one is one of the angels from my planet in the game, and my right sleeve is meant to be the ocean, and the one on the back of my neck is for you guys, and this one on my hip is Duelscar’s ship, and this one on my tit is my star sign. But that’s all I’ve got right now but I’m planning on getting more, I’ve just got to get them sketched up.” You ramble on about your tattoos and you’re stopped by Porrim.

“Didn’t those hurt like hell? The hip, neck, and back are some of the most painful places to get tattoos and you got all of these? Plus the nipple and hip piercings.” Porrim liked to baby you and it was nice, really nice. You nodded, before crawling back into your spot on the couch and rolling your eyes.

“Stop staring, ill kick you Kan, I will fucking do it. I will beat your ass with my singular pump. I am not kidding I only have one. I forgot to lock the apartment once and when I got back one was missing. Just one. They only took one of my fucking shoes.” You tell them, they haven’t talked much, so you ask them how they all found each other, and about they’re experiences. Before you know it, it’s two in the morning and they’re falling asleep on the couch.

“Get off my couch, go lay in the bed you fuckers, you all look dead on your feet. There should be enough space, I’ll be in there soon.” You pull them up one by one and push them towards the bedroom gently. You make sure they all take off their jeans and any other clothing that’s uncomfortable to sleep in. Mituna and Latula take up the middle of the bed, and the others climb in where they can. Never have you been more grateful for your stupid oversized bed.

You abscond from the room, almost feeling like you’re intruding on something you shouldn’t be witnessing. So you grab a blanket and set up on the couch, making sure to set up an alarm just loud enough to wake up only you, they might be mad when they wake up, but you don’t mind. You pass out not soon after that, dreams blissfully full of Dave.

You wake up to your soft alarm, and kick off the blanket, you quickly turn it off, and sneak into your room to grab the clothes you set out last night, you’ve had three hours sleep and you want to cry, because the couch wasn’t very comfortable, but you don’t mind not getting sleep, just as you’ve got them in your life. That’s all you need.

You decide not to shower, and just get dressed, you sneak back into your room for your stuff, and can’t resist the urge to kiss them all on the nose, your signature kiss. You almost curse as you wake up Por, and she raises her eyebrow at you, before sneaking herself out of the bed and following you as you quickly left the room, she shuts the door quietly, thank god.

“How come you’re up so early?” She asks, but then keeps talking once she sees the blanket on the couch. “Eridan you didn’t come lay with us last night did you?” She sighs a little and hugs you.

“I uh, didn’t want to disturb you guys, so I just slept on the couch. To answer your first question, I have work, at my coffee shop, which I have to open at seven, so I’ve got to go.” You tell her, pressing your face into the nape of her neck, cuddling her back, “You can come if you want, I’ll just leave my spare key on the kitchen bench, and you can send one of those dicks a message telling them where we are, so they don’t panic or something, and tell them to lock up if they leave.” You ramble on, even as she shooshes you.

She nods, so you go grab your bag, leaving the spare key to your apartment on the bench, before walking to the front door, where Porrim has magically appeared, fully dressed, phone in hand, ready to go. You slip on some shoes, not the demon flats or the combats, just some simple comfortable slip ons, which match your outfit.

You’ve got everything you need, so you unlock the door and step out, she follows you and watches humorously as you double check you’ve actually locked the fucking door to your apartment. You scowl at her as she approaches the elevator, before tugging her towards the stairs, she pouts, but this is a serious matter you will not budge on. You shall never ride that elevator again.

She tries to protest, but you shoosh her and tell her people are sleeping. The pair of you don’t talk till you’re outside the building and you’ve started walking. “I never take the elevator, it’s evil.” Is all you tell her, and she fucking giggles.

“I highly doubt it’s evil Eri, Holy fuck I knew it was just past five, but it’s still fucking pitch black kid, I’ve never been up this early, this is fucking ridiculous.” She sasses you, giving you a hip bump for effect.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> beta'd by my friend.
> 
> feel free to ask my questions at; vodkaaunttylah.tumblr.com


	5. and so the queer prince rambles

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> may the rambles be ever in your favor

You roll your eyes, “You totally could have stayed inside mama bear, you didn’t have to let me drag your butt out into the cool morning air.” You sass right back, then the pair of you slip back into the old way you used to talk to each other.

“Holy fuck, you weren’t joking when you said it was the queerest thing on the block, are these all identity flags? Holy fuck they totally are, this is so gay. I’m so proud of you Danny. This place seems fucking fabulous.” You blush as she gushes about your shop, it’s your pride and joy, you’ve put a lot of money and hard work into this place. Hundreds of hours of work, blood, sweat and more tears than you can count.

“Welcome to my humble abode, I have mismatched chairs, and more sweets than a candy shop, all handmade by me. The best pastry chef in ten miles I kid you not. I made the best fucking strawberry shortbread. Also I have a yummy manager, his name is Alex and I think you’ll love him, because he’s like me but less fashion sense. He’s a demi-boy and we love him. Nearly everyone who works here is queer, mama bear. I have been called queer Jesus, I give all the queers in the area jobs and they call me queer Jesus.” You ramble on, while Porrim watches you with fondness in her eyes. You’re already in the kitchen, starting the prep work for the numerous sweet you must bake for the morning rush.

“Porrim I am the queer Jesus, they love me and I spread my queer sweets all around but I ain’t no slut. This behind is saved for one man and one man only. I fucking love strawberries so much, Josh gets so angry because he’s a sour puss and hates strawberries. Josh is weird, he likes chocolate on his croissants, so I have to make chocolate croissants for him, or he’ll cry mama bear and I’m like you I can’t stand my babies crying so I made the damn croissants and he keeps the tears locked up,” You finish the prep work and start fluttering around, making four dishes at once, all the while making sure not to cross contaminate the food.

Porrim is sitting on the chair you keep in the kitchen, watching you flutter around in your skirt and leggings, paired with a crop top, it makes you look like a queer princess. Your belly button ring is showing, and when you wear crop tops you make sure to use the apron Alex got you as a joke, which is bright violet with ‘prince of the queers’ scrawled over the front of it.

“Oh my god, I forgot Becca. She is literally the shortest person I have ever met. She’s working this morning, so if you stick around you’ll meet her. She might bite you, she does that. Shit, I forgot she bites. Okay but anyways, she’s weighs like, nothing compared to Alex. Not that I’m saying Alex has a fat ass, which between you and me he kind of does, but then again I totally have a big ass too so I can’t talk.” You stop cooking and look straight up at her.

“I’m not boring you am I? If I am tell me to shut up and I will, Becca tells me to shut up because I don’t know when to shut up myself so I tend to run my mouth which you already know because you’re mumma bear and why wouldn’t you not know that-“ She cuts you off with a laugh.

“No, I’m not bored Danny, it’s quite fun listening to you talk, I don’t think I’ve ever heard you this excited about anything. Now keep telling me about this Becca chick, she sounds like my kind of girl! Wait are you making fucking donuts? Holy shit Dan, I’m keeping you forever.” She sounds gobsmacked.

“Yes these are fucking donuts, what do you take me for? A slacker? I go full out. Okay! Becca is like, the most kickass person I know, I once watched her suplex some asshole who grabbed her boob. It was the highlight of my goddamn week. She just fucking flipped him and slammed him and oh, god, it was fucking great! We have more staff but they’re juniors so I don’t know them super well because they’re kids why would they want to talk to my fat ass? Okay I gotta put these in the oven so they cook on time for opening because if not we’re fucked.” You scramble for words when you try to describe Becca because she’s just so fucking cool and great and you’ve finished prep, so you grab Porrim and drag her out to the front, taking off your apron and plopping your ass down in the booth, and gesturing for her to do the same.

“So we’re thinking Cro’s somewhere in South America, and that Meenah and Aranea are in Australia, but other than that, we’ve got no idea where the rest of them are.” Porrim says with a hum, you know she feels bad. Because even though she hates it, she can’t help but want to baby everyone around her.

“Okay, so, um, Feferi and the crew are apparently in town.” You mutter, avoiding her eyes. You fiddle with your thumbs as you wait, “And I think I might have made her cry.” Porrim looks like she’s trying not to laugh.

“Well, that’s nice dear.” She grins. Just as she does, her phone starts beeping so she picks it up and starts reading it out to you, “Oh my, let me read this to you, its from Mituna. Help, Tula wont get off me. She’s fat, we’ve got to stop feeding her, my precious ass is getting crushed. I’m hungry, where did you go. If you left a note I cant get it, because Tula is crushing me. Where are we, why can I not remember anything. Did we have an orgy in some strangers bed. I don’t think we did. Aha! I’m free! Wait this is Eridan’s place isn’t it? Tell him he has shitty taste in furniture. The fridge is empty, where the fuck is the food, what does this kid even eat.”

“Holy fuck how does he type so fast?” You ask, laughing at Mituna’s antics. “Tell him to get his ass outta my fridge, and to stop insulting my precious couch.” You say, rolling your eyes. She picks her phone back up and starts typing. You close your eyes and take some time to think about the past day, trying to push away the thought about just how fucking tired you are. In the past twelve or so hours, you’ve found six friends, unearthed a whole lot of memories, cried a lot, run into an old acquaintance and slept on the couch.

You hadn’t gone into shock yet, which was bound to happen at some point today. You glanced at the clock on the wall. It’s just past six, so Becca should be getting here soon. Looking back over at Porrim, you smile. She looks so happy texting Mituna on her phone. You know how special they all are to each other. On the flip side, you can only guess how special you are to them.

“Tell Mituna that they can come down to the shop if they want after it opens, and that there free to make some coffee or tea or take a shower. My clothes should fit at least Mituna and Meulin, if they want a change of clothes.” You say to the lady sitting across from you. She nods, not looking up before starting to type again, a bit faster. You take this time to admire her, she had always had a nice complexion, soft facial features. Her hair still looked the same, though shiner and seemingly more healthy. You laugh as you realise she’d slipped on Mituna’s jean jacket, she wore her tank top from yesterday, paired with her classical mom jeans.

Suddenly the door slammed open, and in stormed your chubby friend with a sneer on her face and food bag in her hand. She all but throws the food bag at you before glaring at you. “I know you’ve got no food in your house don’t you even try to trick me you little shit eating fuckface. You closed up last night, like you have the past week, so you wouldn’t have had time to get some food. Don’t you even try to argue you little fuck. Now eat the damn food before I shove it down your damned gullet.” She glares at you a little more, before smiling and nodding to Porrim and walking away into the back of the store.

“Well, that was interesting.” Porrim giggled as you check the bag. There was enough food for three in here. You pulled it all out, and shuffled over, after a few seconds, Becca scrambled back out and slid into the spot you made for her.

“Well hello there beautiful, I’m sorry for the yelling but dick for brains over here doesn’t know what the word food means, and that you need to put said food into your mouth. Ah! Strawberries don’t always count you little shit. Anyways, Eridan aside, I’m Becca, of course. Who else would be Becca, there’s no one as rad as me.” Becca ends her sentence with a cheeky wink, as she picks up her breakfast burger, after pushing one towards Porrim. “And I got three meals because I had a feeling either he was going to be hungry, or he was going to have company. I also kind of forgot that Josh took this morning off, and normally he would be here so technically that would have been his meal but he’s not here and you are so dig in.”

You sigh and kick her in the shin under the table, she yelps. Porrim is fucking laughing across the table at your antics. She does pick up the burger and start eating, which you take as a subtle reminder that yes, you in fact do need food to survive. The three of you practically inhale all the food Becca brought, which isn’t a first for you.

“So Becca, how long you have been working here with Eridan?” Porrim asked, sounding curious.

“Its been what, a year now? No where better to work in this city than with my fellow queers in this magnificent queer dining establishment. I get to make friends, and scare of the homophobic assholes, it’s a win win situation in my eyes. Plus, when a pretty lady walks in here, there’s a higher chance that she’s also a huge flaming lesbian, so it works.” Becca grins at Porrim, she’s normally this hyperactive in the mornings, she calms down after a while.

This sparks a friendly conversation between the three of you, as you bicker and chat. You slip away to check on the sweets, and as you predicted they were baked. So you grab them out and finish setting up the shop for opening, which is rapidly approaching. From the kitchen you can still hear Porrim and Becca talking, which is a great thing. You really want both halves of your life to be able to mix.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> feel free to contact me at; vodkaaunttylah.tumblr.com


	6. and so fat asses and shitty coffee commenced

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> in which mituna is crushed by fat asses and latula yells about shitty coffee

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> have a pov switch to make up for no chapter yesterday!

As you wake up, you realise three things are wrong. You can’t smell food, there’s no yelling, and lastly, there’s a weight on your chest and you can’t move. As you open your eyes, you realise the reason you can't move. Latula's fat ass has taken residence on your chest. To be accurate, she has decided you’d make a better bed than the bed itself and made herself into your human blanket. You try to push Tulip off you, but she won't budge, you frown and try again. You've failed your mission. You'll be stuck here forever.

Reaching over to the unfamiliar side table, you grab what seems to be your phone. You squint as you try to unlock it. Now where the fuck are you, and why is Latula’s fat ass on your chest. A quick survey of the bed, and you realize that Porrim is missing. Now where the fuck is she. You open up your messages, there's nothing new in there. You roll your eyes before pulling up Porrim's name.

MC: Help, Tula won't get off me.

MC: She’s fat, we’ve got to stop feeding her, my precious ass is getting crushed.

You struggle some more, but without success. You will not fail! You will escape the evil witch’s grasp one way or another. Realising your hunger, and that you still haven’t questioned Porrim about her disappearance. You remedy this immediately.

MC: I’m hungry, where did you go.

MC: If you left a note I can't get it, because Tula is crushing me.

After thinking, you realise you don’t know why you’re here, and not in your bed. You question the missing damsel about this as well.

MC: Where are we, why can I not remember anything.

MC: Did we have an orgy in some stranger's bed.

MC: I don’t think we did.

Sighing, you try once again to rid yourself of your human blanket. You realise, that you have Damara to your right, and Meulin and Kankri are to your left. The only way to escape the bed it to get over Damara. You woman up, and gently wiggle yourself to the right, and roll slightly so Latula starts to slide back onto the bed, and you quickly detangle yourself from her, before doing a sick crab walk flip over Damara. Success, you have escaped their snuggly clutches. You tell the not responding Porrim of your success.

MC: Aha! I’m free!

You quietly exit the room, not bothering to pick up your jeans from the floor, and noticing your lovely jean vest is missing. God damn you Porrim. You know she took it, she always takes the damn thing, no matter how much you tell her not too.

You look at the decoration in the hallway, it's all very watery and flow-y. You normally didn’t take in decoration like this, but you were still hazy from sleep and trying to piece all this shit together. Firstly on your mind, where the fuck are you and why don’t you remember getting undressed. As soon as you get into what you think must be the lounge room, the memories slowly start coming back into your head.

MC: Wait this is Eridan’s place isn’t it?

MC: Tell him he has shitty taste in furniture.

You roll your eyes as again, she doesn’t answer. You frown when you see the blanket on the couch. He didn’t sleep on the couch did he? He fucking did. You have the intense urge to hug the poor kid, because he didn’t feel comfortable enough to crawl into his own bed.

As your stomach rumbles, you push that thought out of your head and try to find the kitchen, he must have some fucking food in there. You would suck so many dicks for some food right now. You find the kitchen, and almost sob as you open the fridge, and all there is, is fucking milk. That’s it. Just milk and some other shit that you can't eat. Well raw, that is. You fall to your knees and fake sob into your hands.

MC: The fridge is empty, where the fuck is the food, what does this kid even eat

You text Porrim again, as you fall back onto the floor of the kitchen. It's fucking cold, holy shit you didn’t ask for this! Your phone beeps, telling you you’ve got a message. You pick yourself up off of the floor and walk back out to the couch before checking your phone.

PM: I see you have woken up, this is good.

PM: Eridan says you may help yourself to his coffee or tea, also his shower. And that you or Meulin may borrow some of his clothes, as they might fit you both. They may also fit Kankri, but the others are much too large. He didn’t say all of that, but I interpreted.                            

PM: He also said that once you are all awake, and his shop is open, you may come down for some food and more coffee.

MC: Oooo I need me a shower, I wonder what kinda clothes he’s got for me to snatch.

PM: I hope you do not mind my departure, but I was accidentally awoken by Eridan, and decided to accompany him down to his shop, while he prepared for the day.

MC: Nah it's chill, his bed is comfy.

PM: He is extremely happy, for which I am glad.

MC: Yo that’s cool!

PM: I must take my leave, for one of Eridan’s workers has thrown a bag of food at him. Her name is Becca and she seems very interesting.                   

MC: Go eat the food mad dog, ttyl <3 

PM: <3

You giggle to yourself as you flop back on to the couch. Eridan’s blanket is still here, so you burrow yourself into it, and reach for the tv remote sitting on the small coffee table. You turn it on, and hunt for the cartoon channel. You love cartoons, it's all you watch. You don’t have the attention span for anything else. You didn’t realise anyone else was awake till someone was jumping on you, you flailed a bit till you realised it was just Meulin. You rolled your eyes and pulled down the blanket till she climbed into it with you.

“It’s like seven in the morning Tuna! How come you're awake?” She says, glancing at you, before looking at the tv, you haven’t really been paying attention, and what you were watching seems to have finished.

“I was hungry, but asshole here has literally no fucking food the cock sucking bitch.” You whine as she giggles at your statement, “It's not funny! I’m fucking hungry!” You bitch some more, before you both focus on the tv.

“Oh yeah, by the way, Eridan said we can borrow some of his clothes, he thinks they might fit us, which is a good observation. Because between you and me, we’re fucking tiny. So is Kankri. Did you know Latula has a fat ass? She fucking squished me in her sleep. I nearly died!” You tell her, bopping her on the nose.

“Eridan has nice clothes! I can't wait to raid his closet. Did you see his fucking belly button ring? It's so cool! Plus his tattoos!” She gushes over Eridan’s clothes and life choices. You giggle, she’s always so cute when she does this.

The pair of you lay there, and watch cartoons for a while, talking casually, just chilling. After around an hour or two, you have to get up and shower, your skin feels sticky and disgusting and just urgh. You slip into the bathroom. Locking the door behind you, and have a quick shower, borrowing one of Eridan’s many towels before slipping back out and pushing Meulin towards the bathroom herself. It feels kinda weird to not have any clothes on in someone else’s house, but you deal with it. When Meulin gets out, the pair of you sneak back into the bedroom, and go into his closet.

It strikes you weird that an apartment would have a walk in, but you shrug. Meulin and yourself go through his clothes, you end up borrowing a pair of his jeans, and a simple t-shirt. Meulin however, she tries on several different outfits, before deciding on a simple crop top and jacket combo, with yet another pair of his jeans. Damn, how many pairs of jeans does one person need. The both of you make sure to put everything back and tidy up.

Exiting the closet, you glance at the clock, which is strangely positioned directly across from the foot of the bed. It tells you that it's now nine o’clock. You wink at Meulin before jumping straight onto the bed, on top of everyone else. Meulin bursts out into giggles as Damara starts swearing at you groggily and telling you to fuck off. Latula tries to push you off, but she’s not the only one with a fat ass. “Wakey wakey cock suckers. It's time to get the fuck off and shower, you’re stinking up Eridan’s bed. He’s gonna have nightmares at this rate.” You ramble quite loudly, to wake them up fully. Meulin pulls Kankri off the bed and pulls him towards the shower.

Damara and Latula practically refuse to get out of bed till you mention coffee, and both of them are up. You roll your eyes and leave the room to start the jug. You look through the cupboards and find the coffee. Its cheap and nasty shit. Which you can respect, because cheap and nasty coffee is the best in your opinion. Latula is gonna flip her shit, but Damaras not gonna care, because to her caffeine is caffeine no matter what.

You decide to flip Porrim a text.

MC: I have mobilised the nerd squad.                                                                                                     

MC: Eridan only has cheap and nasty coffee, this is going to be glorious.                                                           

MC: Latula is gonna flip balls

You turn off your phone as the jug tells you it's boiled in the form of a high pitched scream of death. You quickly make the two coffees, loading Latula’s with sugar like you know she likes it, and leaving Damara’s mostly black. Said coffee drinkers emerge from the room, dragging their feet, to which you hand them their coffee. Damara throws over half of her coffee back in one gulp before knowingly cackling. You smile at her as Latula takes a sip of hers. She sets her coffee down gently, before turning to you.

“WHAT IN THE FLAMING FUCK OF ALL THAT IS RAD AND COOL DID YOU JUST FUCKING GIVE ME TO DRINK. WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS SHIT. THIS SHIT IS NOT RAD. NOT ONE FUCKING BIT.” She says very fucking loudly. You and Damara start cackling together, as she rants about how shitty the coffee is.

“Blame Eridan, it’s all he had.” You say through your laughter, as Latula rants and raves about how the coffee totally isn’t rad. Damara gets a kick out of it, and finishes Latula’s coffee when she isn’t paying attention.

Kankri and Meulin enter the room, and you can see that Meulin helped him raid Eridan’s closet. The clothes are slightly baggy on him, which is adorable, The shirt seems to hang to one shoulder, and you can easily spot the belt holding up yet another pair of fucking jeans, though these seem to be skinny jeans.

“So ah, where are Porrim and Eridan exactly?” Kankri asks, eyebrow raised.

“They both left early as fuck to go to Eridan’s coffee shop, which we are going to go to once tweedledee and tweedle fatass go shower.” You say. Then you realise you honestly have no fucking clue where said coffee shop is, so you pick up your phone again.

MC: Ok so where is said coffee shop, I have no clue.

PM: There is better coffee here, and donuts.

PM: I also don’t know the address, I believe someone said they did last night. Ask them

You roll your eyes, before asking the group. You get the address, and as soon as Damara and Latula have showered and you’ve all been loaded up in the car, locking the door with the key you found on the table, which you think Eridan left.

It’s a quick drive, but you’re not just going to abandon your precious car. The five of you walk inside, and there’s Porrim, sitting on her ass in one of the booths. You instantly spot Eridan behind the counter, in a sick crop top serving a customer. The nerd squad and you squish yourselves into Porrim’s booth and chillax. Eridan and a really kickass chick with a bob bring you coffee and something to eat.

You think that it's going to be a good day. That thought is stolen from your head as the door slams open and in walks an angry asshole who you instantly connect is Sollux, and another person, who you recognise as Kanaya. Neither look happy.

  
Well fuck, this is gonna be fun.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> feel free to ask for my skype or email! im free like, 24/7 if you want to talk or need advice!
> 
> also! before you ask, the alpha trolls are in a comfortable poly relationship!


	7. and so shit happens

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Hello and welcome to Here and Queer cafe, what can I get for you today?” But after looking up, he realized who was standing in front of him. “I’m going to have to ask you to leave my store please.”

Your eyebrow raises instantly as you watch the two angry youths storm into the quiet cafe. For the moment, you are quite content to wait and see how this plays out. You honestly doubt that it will end passively, but nonetheless you wait. Meulin puts a hand on Mituna’s shoulder as you see him stiffen slightly at the interruption. Mituna had been graced with the gift of having a short temper, with the strength and cockiness to pull it off. It seems that the six of you have quietly agreed to observe for the moment, and step in if further action is needed.

You watch as they approach the counter, Eridan blissfully unaware of their presence, chatting away with Bec, as she had asked you to call her, behind the counter. Bec nudged Eridan and jerked her head towards the counter. Eridan visibly rolled his eyes before turning around to face whom he obviously thought would be another customer. “Hello and welcome to Here and Queer cafe, what can I get for you today?” But after looking up, he realized who was standing in front of him. “I’m going to have to ask you to leave my store please.”

Sollux has the audacity to laugh at him, raising his eyebrow. An angry smile slips onto Kanayas face, and you start to bite your lip, trying not to intervene. “I heard Feferi wath in here the other day, and I altho heard that you yelled at her. Tho, we’re not leaving.”

“Leave my store before I call the police, please. You are not welcome here. Not now not ever, and tell Feferi to stay away from me. I don’t want her in my life, I don’t need her in my life.” Eridan states, in a cold business-like manner.

You can see Sollux’s ears going red, and Kanaya’s seemingly calm exterior starting to fade. You carefully nudge Damara, who is conveniently sitting on your right. Her eyebrows raise to match yours as you continue to listen to the conversation. “I can’t believe you jutht fucking thaid that, and that you even had the fucking ballth to yell at Fef you fucking cock-thucking boot-licking fuck. What the fuck are you even wearing? Oh is thith your next attention theeking thcheme? Dreth up like a whore and thee if you can get thomeone to pay you?” Sollux lisps out, the conversation taking a one eighty twist.

Your blood is boiling now, and both Mituna and Damara get the same idea, casually slipping out of the booth and walking towards the terrified looking Eridan and the other two. Bec looks ready to step in, but once she sees the three of you, she steps back to let you three deal with the problem. Kanaya stands there, with a small smirk on her face, and you push back the towering urge to smack it off her face.

Sollux continues to smack talk Eridan as he grows paler and paler you know this is when to step in, but Mituna beats you too it. “Excuse me, you little fuck. Would you be so kind as to shut the fuck up and pull your head out of your ass? I can smell the shit you’re spewing out of your mouth from over here, and if you can’t shut your own mouth, I will gladly fucking assist you.” He glares at Sollux, while subtly stepping in front of the counter, between Eridan and the assholes in his cafe.

Sollux looks offended, and you almost laugh. “Fucking hell, the whore’s even got Mituna wrapped around his finger, go figure!” He opened his mouth one too many times, so Mituna gladly follows through on his threat, and punches Sollux straight in the jaw.

“I said shut the fuck up.” Mituna glares at him some more, and you can hear Damara behind the counter, quietly talking to Eridan and pulling him away from the front counter, towards the table you’ve all claimed as your own. Sollux wipes his mouth on his sleeve, a small bit of blood and spit staining the fabric.

“Excuse me, but is this any of your business? We simply came here to talk to Eridan. I do not like the way we are being treated, shall I call the cops and report this as a physical attack?” Kanaya might seem like she knows what she’s saying, but you’ve heard Latula rant on and on about this stuff enough to know that she’s full of absolute fucking shit.

“Wow, you’re fucking stupid. There are seven witnesses in this cafe that can testify against the fact that Sollux here was verbally abusing him, and in his own shop nonetheless. If anyone is in the wrong here, it would in fact be you two.” Kanaya’s eyes widen, you don’t think she realized that you were here, but you are and you’re fucking angry as all hell.

While Kanaya takes a small step back, Sollux just gets angrier. “Why are you even protecting him? He’s a fucking killer! He fucking killed Feferi!” He threw his hands in the air and clenched his fists, you were about to snap at him, but Mituna beat you too the punch.

“Are you seriously that stupid? Really? Are you still hung up on that shit? Have you seriously ever just stopped to think about how stupid you sound you cock sucking dumbass? Wow! Holy shit! Does he even look like he could kill someone? Have you just forgot everything? Also! For you’re information! Eridan looks four times better than you could ever be! Look at him! Gorgeous! If anyone here is the whore it’s obviously fucking you. Now-” Mituna was cut off as Bec made her reappearance.

“You’ve got about two minutes to leave before I call the cops, I’ve recorded this whole conversation, and it’d most likely go on your record. So, if I were you I’d shut up and just leave already.” She smirked, and raised an eyebrow. Kanaya scoffed and grabbed Sollux’s arm, rolling her eyes.

“It’s not worth it Sollux. Lets just leave.” She said, slightly tugging on his arm, Sollux relented, and the pair exited the store. Mituna laughed as soon as the door was closed, and turned around to high-five Becca.

“Damn that was a sweet threat! You made em run away with their tails between their legs!” Mituna laughed again. You smiled at his antics.

“They were stupid enough to believe it thought, what would I have recorded them with? In all seriousness, now go make sure he’s ok or I’ll be the one punching you.” With that, she turns around and messes with one of the machines behind the counter.

Walking back to table, you chuckle. Eridan is struggling against Meulin’s hold, trying to get the hell out of her death hug. “I’m fine woman! Now let me go! I have work to do you ass, paperwork!.” Eridan’s attempts to escape were futile though and she just hugged him harder.

“If I let you go, will you come out with us tonight?” Meulin asks.

“Yes! Fine! Whatever just let me go.” He whines. She relents, and Eridan is free. “You have the spare key to my apartment, and I knock off at eight. So feel free to sit around here all day or go watch my tv, or go steal more of my clothes. I don’t care, but I have work to do!” His statement is punctuated by the bell on the door ringing, and another customer stepping through.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> what the hell even is this chapter. i tried


End file.
